all of them were old enough to be my grandparents
none of them were young enough to by my parents
I never wanted to drink
to occupy the hands so that they wouldn’t
peel the frayed cuticles
so that the teeth wouldn’t
bit the lips
so the brain wouldn’t
freeze
I never waned
to want this
to understand the logic of the mouths
that drank the blood
or the willingness to take another glass
even though your car is outside for you to drive it
I never wanted
to understand
understanding becomes acceptance
acceptance becomes compliance
compliance, surely death
I took a sip of my 0 proof
blood orange soda
wishing that it would turn into wine
ad hoc 